Interviewing relatives is difficult for me

Posted on June 10, 2007 in Genealogy by DM

One of the things that’s really hard for me to do in genealogy is to “interview” relatives. I’m actually an experienced interviewer of other people, having been a radio show host and a freelance business writer in previous decades. But those situations are different - you’re expected to get right to the point because everyone’s time is so limited. But there’s something that feels so artificial about sitting my relatives down for the specific purpose of getting them to open up about their pasts - it seems to me that those kinds of stories should come naturally out of a conversation, rather than simply being expected or demanded. My reluctance to ”demand” reminiscences from relatives has made it very difficult for me to collect that kind of information.

When my grandmother Verdie was alive, I knew she had a ton of great information to share about the small town in which she, my mother, and her ancestors grew up. She also had a very interesting early adult life, having worked here in Des Moines as a cafe waitress and prior to that in an ordnance plant north of town during WWII. I know I didn’t get even a small percentage this information from her, because she was the type of person who didn’t seem all that comfortable reminiscing and who would only answer the question that was put to her instead of adding the kind of extraneous commentary that makes those stories so fascinating. (She would’ve made a great witness in a court case!)

My husband, on the other hand, didn’t bear the burden of feeling like he was giving her the third degree, and he asked her questions willingly, especially about the ordnance plant. I would just sit and listen as he would lead her through stories about her work, glad for the opportunity to listen but also a little jealous that I couldn’t just leave my hang-ups at the door and dive in to such a personal conversation.

I’d love to hear your tips and suggestions for comfortable, compassionate interviews with relatives.

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