The Popular Group rules at school
Posted on August 14, 2007 in Parenthood, Schools & Education by DM
Leigha’s son is only in first grade and he’s already had one run-in with that multi-headed school-year monster, “the popular group.” And, Jodie also this week notes the early onslaught of popularity pressure among girls.
My daughter’s going into 8th grade and we have several conversations every school year about the social structure at her junior high (sorry - “middle school”).
As parents, our advice usually follows along one or more of these themes:
1. The Popular Group has been a part of school forever. We have it on good authority that Thomas Jefferson was once rebuffed because all the other kids were writing declarations and he was not similarly motivated. Point being, many many kids have endured and survived.
2. It’s better to have a few really good friends you can count on rather than a whole slew of fickle casual acquaintances who might not “be your friend anymore” come tomorrow. DD’s got first-hand experience with this one, but even if she didn’t I’d plunk her down with the DVD boxed set of “Lizzie McGuire” and tell her to pay close attention to the roles of Miranda and Gordo, and even Kate.
3. We are, as your parents, always available to listen when you need to talk or even just vent. While there are no magic words to solve the problem overall (see 1. above), it’s important to remember that you’re best served by looking out for and being true to yourself rather than trying to change or behave to please other kids.
Years from now, we may actually learn whether any of this advice was helpful. (The test will be whether she repeats any of it to her own kids.) For now, we let her know that we never mean to make light of the situation, that we understand how painful it can be because we’ve been there (and endured regardless), and that we care.
Anyone else have advice? Anyone from “The Popular Group” want to speak from that side of the equation?
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Add item #4. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves, esp. to bullies. However, the threat of bullies does not give kids the license to be bullies or to snitch upon others.
And item #5. Set a good example in regards to these rules and to others. If parents run around with a fickle group of friends or do drugs, how can they expect their kids to do the same?
The last point leads to item #6. Never, never allow your kids to use drugs or to be around others who do them. And if they talk about a drug culture in their school, parents should listen to them, not scold them. Perhaps parents should band with other parents to correct any drug, alcohol or tobacco problem that may exist.
THanks for these additions, Joel.