‘Why’ is just one question following tragic crash
Posted on September 5, 2007 in Parenthood by DM
Obviously, Matthew Tesch’s mother blames herself at least in part for his death. Today’s Register article quotes her clearly questioning why her two sons - one dead and one severely injured in a Monday morning traffic accident on the Southeast side - kept the company they kept, and made the choices they made early Monday: to stay up all night drinking, and to get into a car with someone whom they had just met who was extremely drunk.
She said it herself: “Sometimes we get so busy working and working and paying bills off that we forget that we have a family and kids at home.”
Here’s the thing: she’s right.
In the most immediate sense, of course, her son’s death was not her fault. She was not drunkenly driving the car that killed him. In the broader sense, though, Matthew’s death (and the death of 17-year-old Stephanie Gray, whom the Register describes as a “former Hoover High School student”) illustrates what can happen when kids are permitted to make their own judgment calls about who they hang out with, when (or whether) they come home, what substances they consume. When parents, so busy providing for the family, fail to take an active role in the lives their kids are leading, the result can be horrific and tragic.
The question for the families of these kids may indeed be Why. It’s likely they’ll hear the answer, over and over, in their nightmares for years to come. And for that, I am profoundly sorry and sad.
But the question for the rest of us is Who? Who among us will learn the lesson, become involved, and make meddling in our kids affairs a higher priority?
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4 comments to “‘Why’ is just one question following tragic crash”
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Powerful piece - thank you for posting it.
Thanks, Jodi… my daughter is at an age where “meddling” is going to become a daily occurance
I’ll be honest, stories like this one really break my heart. ~ J.
THANX FOR SAYING THAT BECKY WAS A HARD WORKING MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN MATTHEW JOSHUA AND LISA ALWAYS HAD EVERYTHING THAT THEY WANTED SHE HAS BEEN A SINGLE MOTHER SINCE THE KIDS WERE BABIES I’VE SEEN HER GOOD TIMES AND HER BAD I’VE WITNESSED HER INSTRUCTING HER CHILDREN RIGHT FROM WRONG MATTHEW WAS WANT YOU CALL A TERRIFIC KID HE WOULD GIVE THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK FOR ANY ONE WHEN JOSH CAME OUT THE WRECK HE STATED THAT THE DRIVER WAS DOING DOUNUTS IN THE ROAD AND MATTHEW TOLD HIM HER WAS TO DRUNK TO DRIVE THE DRIVER SAID NO IT WAS HIS CALL MATTHEW KEPT SAYING LET ME DRIVE AGAIN THE DRIVER SAID NO IT WAS EITHER JUMP OUT OF THE SUV THAT WAS GOING 90 MPH OR PRAY THAT YOU’D BE OK I NO MATT IS IN HEAVEN HE HAD GOOD FAITH IN THE LORD HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS A MINISTER AND TAUGHT ALL THE CHILDREN WELL FOR THOSE OF US WHO KNEW MATTHEW THERE IS NO DOUBT IN ARE HEARTS THAT WE WILL SEE HIM AGAIN I MISS MY NEPHEW I GET SAID AND I CRY FOR HIM, BUT THEN I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND EVERONE HAS THERE TIME EITHER IT IS OR IT’S NOT I MYSELF HAD A WRECK IN JANUARY EXITING OFF A FEETER A CAR CUT ME OFF I WAS SPEEDING AT70 MPH WENT IN BETWEEN 3 TREES AND A LIGHT POLE THE OTHER CAR NEVER STOPPED MADE IT OUT WITHOUT A SINGLE SCRATCH OR BRUISE IT WAS NOT MY TIME AND THERE WAS NO DOUBT THAT I HAD ANGELS WITH ME. I NO HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE I NO FIRST HAD THAT BECKY IS A GOOD MOTHER I LIVED WITH HER I HELPED TAKE CARE OF THOSE KIDS THEY ALWAYS LISTENED VERY WELL YOU TELL THEM TO CLEAN THEY DO IT DO HOMEWORK THE DO IT VERY GOOD MANNERED CHILDREN AND FROM ONLY HAVINING ONE PARENT “BECKY” THEY ARE REALLY GOOD CHILDREN AND NO SINGLE MOTHER CAN BE THERE ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE TO RELY ON WHAT THEY’VE BEEN TAUGHT ……………..WELL THATS PRETTY MUCH IT I MISS MATTHEW…HIS LAUGH…….HIS SMILE ……AND HIS BIG HEART………LOVE HIS AUNT JACKLYN
Jacklyn, thank you for posting your thoughts about Matthew and his family. I’m certain his mother is a hard-working woman who loves her family deeply. My heart goes out to all of you. No, parents can’t be there every minute - I think that’s what Matt’s mom was trying to say in the article: she truly believed she was doing all she could, and she blamed herself because she felt it wasn’t enough to prevent this tragedy. That’s what makes other parents really think when they read this story - they ask, “Am I doing enough?” “Can I EVER do enough?” Very hard questions. I’m sorry these families had to go through this, but I’m happy to have your thoughts posted here so others can read how much Matthew was loved. ~ Janet