Five things about Facebook that make me want to punch a kitten
Posted on April 29, 2009 in These Things Keep Me Up at Night by DM
Alright, here’s the deal: I’ve been pretty active on Facebook now for a couple of months. I’ve reconnected with childhood friends, I’ve become addicted to a couple of goofy games, I’ve taken myriad quizzes and posted photos, and I’ve even used it to drive traffic to one of my blogs. I have a nice little group of friends whom I like and care about.
But just like everything in life, Facebook’s not perfect. Some of it, in fact, is downright stupid. Or maybe it’s the people who’ve taken good features and made them stupid, I don’t know. Regardless of how they got that way, these are the features of Facebook I can do without:
Mind-numbingly Inane “fan” pages. I’m happy to become a fan of a favorite singer, or product brand, or whatever to show my loyalty. These declarations tell my friends a little about who I am. But here lately I’m seeing things like: “THE SUN – Become a Fan!” or “LAUGHING – Become a Fan!” Are you kidding me? This is like saying, “FINGERNAILS – Become a Fan!” or “INDOOR PLUMBING – Become a Fan!” We’ve obviously run out of meaningful things to “fan.”
Ads that lie. I do not believe for one minute that 7 friends have a crush on me, or that 3 friends think I’m dumb, or even that 60 percent of Hollywood uses ONE wrinkle-busting secret to look younger.
Irrelevant gift applications. I admit it, I love something called “Flair.” Flair looks like those little pinback buttons we used to have all over our jackets in the 70’s and 80’s. But why are people sending me trees for my farm, plants for my “green patch,” fishes for my “cove,” etc.? I don’t have these things, so I don’t need the flora and fauna that inhabit them. It’s just more crap I have to “click to ignore” each time I sign on.
Auto-Suggest Friends feature. I don’t mind at all if one of my friends wants to recommend someone to me for possible FB friendship. But FB itself needs to stop suggesting new friends. Here’s why this is useless: “Suggestions: Dave Smith. You and Dave both live in Des Moines, Iowa!” Wow, really? I surely know him, then, don’t I? Look: Des Moines, Iowa has a quarter-million people in it, and that’s not counting all the suburbs. I have friends from grade school who’ve lived here their whole lives and I have NEVER run into them, ANYWHERE, in 35 years. What makes FB think I’m going to know someone just because they live here? I can’t imagine how useful this feature must be for people who live in New York City.
Quizzes that insult me. I wanted to know which M*A*S*H* character I was most like, and it told me I was “most like” Frank Burns. FRANK BURNS? I can guarantee you, nobody who knows me thinks I’m anything like Frank Burns! Even the quiz didn’t try to sugar-coat it by talking about Frank’s respect for rules and authority or his unwavering commitment to the military. No, the quiz gleefully raved about how much everyone hated him and what a ferret-face he was. So thanks a lot, Quiz, you’ve made me feel SO good about myself! I’m not even going to try to find out which “Taxi” character I’m like, because you’re obviously just going to tell me LOUIE.
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A M E N!!!!
LOL thanks for the affirmation – AND the opportunity to post the link!
ACK! Facebook! I can’t even go there. I have enough trouble trying to keep up with my blog. (which seems to take over my life at times)
^ SMB, your blog ROCKS!
Here’s the link:
http://wordsofwisdomfromasmartmouthbroad.blogspot.com/
And, by the way – that cream cheese recipe you made for the fish? It’s awesome on chicken, too – I made that last year and even took a picture, just like you did! LOL